Snow covered the ground and smoke filled the air. And though I don’t remember the sequence of that day, I recall my every thought.

I saw him for the first time that day. 

Of course, my eyes have seen him from time to time before, but it was the first time that my heart noticed him. 

Never did I think it was possible for me to fall this hard, for a heart as vulnerable as mine to be strong enough to carry a feeling this immense. 

And yes, before anything, I am a mother and as a parent I know what love truly is. To care for someone with no conditions… but how could I not love my own blood and flesh; it’s only natural. I’d kill for them if I had to, because they are part of me.

But he started off as nothing. From an entire entity different than mine… and yet, it felt like he was part of me. In his kiss, it felt as if we belonged.

And sure I was high, my mind was altered and my feeling were exaggerated, but still… I knew.

I knew that what I felt was not normal, nor was it wrong. It was the truest thing I’ve ever felt with another being that was not myself.

I tried to be distant, but our bodies ached for one another and he was drawing me in like a magnet. The feeling was too intense for me to withhold, that perhaps a tear escaped because my heart really is that vulnerable. 

And I know it was real because even the next day, when the morning left me sober and the night became nothing but a faint memory, I still felt as if I was floating. 

stupid cartoon songs stuck in my head…

The best feeling comes when you realize that you’re perfectly happy without the people you thought you needed the most.

I need a new Tumblr.

Because apparently Jonathan stalks me.

He uses the Tumblr search engine to find me. Searching for Alice, Amelia, Twins… anything. It’s pathetic.

And just in case you’re reading this too, next time just search “beautiful single mom that wants her exwhateveryouwannacallhim to leave her cyber life alone k thanks.”

I’ll find you guys once I make a new one.

because this much crying isn’t healthy. 

or sexy.

or cool.

I’m ok btw. 

Just unnecessarily vulnerable and emotional.

It’s so much work. 

I work out every other day and try to eat well.

But it’s so much harder when one of your best friends leaves a damn eggroll in your kitchen!!! 

It’s in the garbage now. Let’s not let it happen again. K thanks.

Here is Alice. Always doing something interesting.

And this is the face she gives me when I call her name

Here is Amelia and her deadly tooth.

And this is the way she watched cartoons. 

And here are a bunch of the same pictures; I couldn’t decide which I liked best.

Today makes three years since my baby sister passed away.

I don’t talk much about her because I feel guilty that I didn’t spend as much time with her as I should; it’s probably the biggest regret that I have.

She’s my sister from my father’s side only and since my dad moved away, we lost contact with each other. She was about 5 and I was 10 the last time I saw her.

I mean when I got a little older, I should’ve looked for her, tried to figure out where she was living, but I didn’t. 

And then one day my grandmother reached out to me and told me that my little sister was diagnosed with Leukemia.

The day that I went to see her at the hospital, I went to the front desk and asked for her room number. The security guard told me that she hasn’t been admitted yet. As I turned to walk out of the hospital, she walked in with her mom and I recognized her at once. She saw me and we said hi to each other. Her mom asked how we recognized each other so fast, it was six years since I last saw her.

She broke my heart when she started asking me “how come you never looked for me?”

Something that I’ll regret for the rest of my life.

Eight short months after, she left this world. And although, I don’t have a lot of memories to remember her by, I’m thankful for the short time that God permitted us to be together.

She was only 12 when she passed away and it just isn’t fair. She barely lived her life at all. But I know she’s not in pain anymore and that cancer won’t bother her in heaven.

The irony hurts, that cancer was the thing that brought us back together, but also the thing that tore us apart. I miss you Jisairis. I wish you were here. 

(Source: fightinglikeamartyrx3)

I’m talking to her on the phoneee!!!! 

i called the american airlines and they said that the girls don’t need a passport, a letter of consent from their father or their birth certificate. 

that doesn’t even sound right. 

has anyone ever traveled with an infant domestically on an airplane??

She also rawrs like a monster. 

She’s been doing a lot of what she’s not supposed to lately.

-__-